Have You Had “The Talk”?

By Nancy R. Larson, Attorney

 

            Have you had “THE TALK”?  To avoid a family feud after you are gone, a family conference is a good way to share information and keep lines of communication open.  Leaving a loving legacy means giving clear instructions on health care, financial and legal matters in the event of disability and death.

People of all ages need to plan for the inevitable.  After a 37 year old friend was diagnosed with liver cancer, it was a shock when doctors came in to talk about the patient’s last wishes rather than to discuss the diagnosis, says HIPAA expert and attorney Dina Bernstein from O’Fallon.  “At 37 you don’t think you’ll have to deal with your own mortality.  It made me think about myself differently and was helpful in initiating a discussion with my parents”, says Bernstein.

Estate planning is a lifetime process.  Ideally plans are made while in good health and not in the midst of a crisis; however, as long as a person has mental capacity, documents appointing someone to make health and financial decisions can be executed.

Planning for disability is as important, if not more important, than planning for death.  “Trying to get my mother to think about disability and end of life planning was a challenge, made more difficult by a life threatening diagnosis”, says food editor Lori Bowen Tillock of O’Fallon.  “If a person makes no plans and the disability is ongoing, who will be in charge?”.  Typical of the sandwich generation, Tillock finds herself in the position of caring for her young son as well as her ailing mother.

If you have made no plans and your disability is ongoing, it is likely the Probate Court will appoint a Guardian to act on your behalf.  A guardianship is a public proceeding in which a person is found to be incapable of making health care and financial decisions for themselves.  The expense and public nature of a guardianship make a power of attorney an attractive and affordable alternative.

“Through inaction you send a message to your family that says you don’t care”, says Dr. Terri Riutcel, head of the psychiatric clinic at Scott Air Force Base.  “My dad died without a will and it was really difficult for everyone.  Not only did we lose my dad and have to deal with our grief, but we had to deal with the resentment and fear of having no direction in resolving complicated farm matters.” 

            Sitting down with parents to discuss such issues can be awkward, but such talks are necessary to avoid surprises and poor decisions.  The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging released a guide suggesting topics for boomers to discuss with their parents that should include:

·        Making sure parents have powers of attorney for health care and finances, wills, and possibly a trust.

·        Knowing the location of estate planning documents, tax returns, investments, and banking records.

·        Determining sources of income including Social Security, pensions and retirement plans.

·        Reviewing long term care insurance policies or determining if it should be obtained.

·        Finding out what community based resources are available that will help parents stay at home, i.e. in house care and assistance, meal delivery, and adult daycare.

At a minimum, a person should have a healthcare power of attorney, a financial power of attorney, a will and sometimes a trust.  Having “THE TALK” and communicating your intentions in writing through the appropriate documents takes a burden off of loved ones who become responsible on your behalf and assures matters are handled as you want.

 

Nancy R. Larson is an attorney with offices in Belleville and Mascoutah.  Her practice has an emphasis on intergenerational planning for estates and concerns of elders and their families.  This article is for information only and is not to serve as legal advice.